by Ros Kitson
It's that time of year when everyone is talking about new plans to get fit, healthy, lose weight and a whole host of other plans. Some will succeed but sadly, statistics show, most will fail. I was thinking about this today and in particular how we treat resolutions differently from goals. Goals tend to be longer term. Resolutions tend to be everything right away. So I decided to compare the two to a running race.
Continuing on from the last blog about Bali, here is the second lesson I learnt while I was on my honeymoon. Bali is a very hot and humid country (or it was when I was there). Just walking around was enough to break out into a sweat and I’m not very keen on sweating. Obviously I cut right back on any exercise that didn’t take place in a swimming pool. But you can’t see an island from within a hotel, so inevitably we had to walk. Here in the UK, I’ve always prided myself on being a fast walker. I walk with purpose and stride out to reach my destination as fast as possible. My theory was that by getting there faster, I’d be fitter and more efficient.
I started writing this blog after the UK referendum back in June, where the result was very close - just over half the people who voted, chose the option to leave the EU. The initial response to the result was shock by much of the country, followed by anger towards the people who voted differently from themselves. What saddened me then is that our country seemed to have become so divided over the lead up to the referendum. There was so much anger on both sides against those who had a different opinion. Now 4 months later, that anger is still present. We've had major division within one of our main political parties over its leadership and now a high court case questioning the legalities of invoking Article 50 which starts the process of leaving the EU.
by Ros Kitson
For those who don't know, I got married recently. And a wedding traditionally is followed by a honeymoon. We went to Bali. Bali is an amazing place. The culture and the country are very different from the UK so much so, that I could write a book on it. However, right now, I want to talk about the traffic. I consider myself a good driver. I'm a confident driver and I'm pretty experienced, having been driving since I was 17. But I would honestly not rush to drive in Bali, because I'm not sure I'd cope very well. This is because the attitudes of drivers are very different over there. Over here, we have strict rules of the road. We follow them to the letter and we frown on those who don't. If we do break them (for example undertaking a middle lane hogger on the motorway) we sneak through slightly guiltily. If we see rule breakers, we glare, curse or even beep our horns.
Instant gratification. The symptom of the 21st century, it seems. When I grew up, I was taught that "money didn't grow on trees" and that "good things came to those who waited". These are things that have stood me in good stead throughout my life. I still have the belief that I have to save up before I can have some luxury item I want. So often, nowadays, the gap between people wanting and getting has narrowed until it can barely even exist. We are taught by the advertising execs that we want just about everything there is. We are shown that items will make us cooler, more popular, more successful and, as the ads have been created in such a way, we buy in. We were then sold credit on a massive scale, so the excuse of "I can't afford it" becomes less and less viable. And finally, we've been inspired by the personal development industry that we deserve the good things in life. All in all, it can be very hard to resist.
This is quite a controversial topic, so I'd like to start by saying that I'm in no way blaming anyone for being ill. When I talk about "pay-off", this is almost always a subconscious thing that we don't even realise we're doing. However, having said that, pay-off is something that can appear when illnesses refuse to respond to treatment. It doesn't affect everyone but, if you find you're not responding to treatment when you'd expect to, it is quite an interesting subject to explore.
by Ros Kitson
I'm currently in an amateur production of Goodnight Mr Tom The Musical. The story isn't new to me - I've seen the film a few times. However, what has struck me most by revisiting this story, is the way Tom handles the trauma that William goes through. For those who don't know the story, there is a scene towards the end where William is in hospital after his traumatic imprisonment. A psychiatrist is talking to Tom about what is best for the boy in terms of treatment. Tom wants to take him home but the psychiatrist believes the boy's best interests would be served by putting him in a children's home and subjecting him to psychiatric analysis - something that was probably cutting edge back in 1940. William is quite rightly frightened of the medical profession who have sedated him every time he cries out, since he has arrived in the hospital. This was done so he doesn't disturb the other patients. Tom challenges the psychiatrist on this, and suggests that "mebbe he needs to" cry out. He also says that it's obvious as to what's wrong with the boy - "the boy ent had a lot of lovin'". This raises an important point in any therapy situation. The need to allow the emotions to come out and the need of everyone to have love and acceptance in their lives. Both are vital to healing.
by Ros Kitson
Many people these days seem to have gut problems. Anything from a bit of indigestion and bloating, right up to Crohn's disease, our guts don't seem to be coping with life in the way they used to. And before any of you say, these issues aren't new, I agree, but they do seem to becoming more common.
by Ros Kitson
Right from when we are very small, our belief system is forming. It's a way for us to keep safe in the world and a way for us to learn how to fit in. It is, however, highly selective. Our belief system is a kind of memory, but it doesn't hold everything that ever happened - only those things it believes will be useful to us. If we've burnt ourselves, we will learn that fire or extreme heat is dangerous to us. We may or may not remember the exact details of the first time we were ever burnt, but we will remember the pain. If we had joyous birthday parties as a kid, we may learn that birthdays are fun, even if we can't recount the details of every party we had. If our birthdays were largely ignored, we might dislike them as adults. Our belief systems tend to hold the emotional memories of a situation.
This is a large topic and I can't cover everything about it in one post. But I'll make a start. Firstly, what is anger? Well, it is an emotion. It's a feeling. Next, what is is not. It is not a behaviour or action. Often when we say someone is angry, we are referring to someone raging, shouting or even being violent. These are behaviours. They might arise from anger, but they are not synonymous with anger. It is entirely possible to feel anger and not show any behaviour at all.