Viewing posts from: May 2013

Forgiveness Sets You Free

by Ros Kitson

05 28, 2013 | Posted in Uncategorized | 0 comments

Set Yourself FreeI first learnt about forgiveness when I was in school.  It's mentioned in the bible and in the Lord's Prayer, but I never really understood what it was all about.  I thought back then, that it was all about letting the other person off the hook; saying "I'm OK with what you did to me".  I thought it was all about setting the other person free.

So therefore, over the years, there have been many things that have happened that I have not wanted to forgive.  Being a person who used to hold onto stuff, this was probably even more of an issue to me than to some people.  I wanted people to understand what they'd done to me - although, interestingly, I rarely actually told them.  I wanted them to feel the pain that I felt.  However I doubt they ever did, when I couldn't tell them how I felt.  So instead, I carried around the pain and the inability to let the past go.
I've since found out that forgiveness has very little to do with the other person.  It's all do do with us - setting ourselves free of the past.  It is also often to do with reconciling ourselves with what we've experienced through our interaction with another person, but we do it for ourselves.
It still can be difficult.  We have to understand that the other person may not have been able to do any better at that particular time in their lives.  This can be challenging if their behaviour contravenes our values.  However it's good to remember that we've all behaved less than impeccably at some point in our lives, even though we didn't intend to.
But that's not the hardest part.  That comes next when we have to forgive our part in it.  What do you mean? I hear you cry. It wasn't my fault.  I didn't ask for it to happen. No, I'm sure you didn't. People rarely do ask for unpleasant things to happen to them.  However there is usually emotional residue left around the fact that we let this stuff happen to us.
We can have attachment to the fact we weren't stronger or wiser or more aware; that we didn't choose to walk away; that we didn't fight back.  Whatever it is, we need to forgive ourselves in order to complete the process and move on.  We are on our path, just like everyone else and it is pointless to beat ourselves up for not being far enough along before the event to have the insight that the event has given us.  After all, we learn and grow from the challenging experiences we have.
Once you've done all this, you will hopefully be able to see the event as just another experience of your life, that has positively made you into the person you are today.
Then you have set yourself free.

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We Fear Change!

by Ros Kitson

05 01, 2013 | Posted in Uncategorized | 0 comments

Fear of ChangeThe credit for the title of this post has to go to my friend, Reid, who wrote this phrase on a piece of paper at a recent meeting.  However, I thought it was worthy of a bit more exploration in a blog article. So, I've been pondering over this for the last few days.  Firstly I wondered how true it is.  Certainly for many of us, we like the status quo and resist change. But then there are the adventurous among us who often head off into the unknown.  I've known people who tell me change is a good thing, and they're right, but do these people also have their fears before they step off the metaphorical diving board? It's definitely true that the familiar is often seen as safe.  We know where we are with the present circumstances, even if we don't like them.  The new and unknown change may be better, but then it also may be worse.  The trouble is that we don't ever really know until we've made the change, and then it may be too late to go back. The familiar protects us.  We know how to respond and what reaction we're going to get.  We know where and how we fit in.  We can easily visualise the future when it's exactly the same as the present.  The new is daunting and it often involves taking a leap of faith into the unknown. So what is going to make us change.  Well for some of us, the thought of adventure is enough.  We take a deep breath and leap with a confidence that it'll be a good experience for us.  For others, change only happens when the present circumstances become too unpleasant, or when external circumstances force it. Now, we're all influenced by external circumstances to some extent. So the way in which we adapt to forced change is also significant in our lives.  Do we fight against the inevitable or do we go with the flow?  Does it really do us any good to fight against the inevitable?  Well, for our personal stress levels, the answer is probably  no.  However there are may people throughout history who've managed to bring about great changes for the positive by not accepting externally enforced situations. Often we don't know what to do for the best.  We oscillate between the different options available to us. Do we change or do we accept?  I find the best way is to try to split the arguments into those coming from the ego and those coming from the soul.  The soul has our highest good as it's focus.  It only wants what will expand us and help us to grow.  It will guide us to that which will fulfill us and help us use our gifts in the world.  The ego focuses on that which will keep us safe and therefore encourages us to do what will enable us to fit in, what will cause the least disruption and often comes from a place of fear.  The soul guidance comes from a place of love. So I invite you to tune in to these 2 voices.  They both have their places in our lives, but it's good to be able to differentiate between them. And lastly, I leave you with these well-known words of wisdom because I think they sum up this subject so well.

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

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