I've been talking recently to people who have been having "problems" with a partner or someone close to them and I've been asked what they can do about this. So I thought I'd address this here. Now, firstly, we can't change another person, we can only change ourselves. It is often very easy to see blocks in someone else or to see their potential. However, none of us knows someone else's path in life. Often the thing we feel ought to be changed is not the highest priority for the other person. I believe we are all the highest authority for our own paths. If we can become more accepting of their differences, and if we can stop trying to control them and let them be themselves, we will find a sense of freedom and peace in our relationships. So I would suggest we work on our own development rather than trying to change the other person. Secondly, I've found that other people usually don't respond well to being told they ought to change. If someone (particularly a loved one) is regularly telling you to change, what does that say about how they feel about you as you actually are. Not a lot, I'd say. Would you change for someone who doesn't seem to be like who you are? Instead, I'd suggest we focus on the positive in the person. You can always find it if you look, but if you always focus on the negative, you will only see that. Try commenting on the things you like and ignoring the things you don't. That way, they will hear positive things from you and their general perception of your feelings for them will be much higher. Also, you may well start to feel better towards them too. The funny thing is, that people often change when they feel safe and accepted, so you may find they then manifest some of the changes you've wanted them too. However that will only happen if they are the changes they wish to make. Thirdly, we sometimes grow apart from people. If one person changes and the other one chooses not to, those two people may find they don't have enough in common any more to spend lots of time together. It's one of the most difficult things, as feelings for the person may well be strong, but frustrations with the differences have arisen. If you do feel that you need to move away, try and be honest enough to talk to them and explain how your feeling. It might not be easy if they are a partner or someone close, but it may be that they're feeling this too. If you agree to part, let each other go with love. Partings don't have to be hateful. Those that are respectful and amicable and much more pleasant. So before you aim your frustration at another person, try these three steps first.
A couple of days ago, I met up with a friend, who was not feeling her normal positive self. She had a couple of nerve-racking events coming up, but she seemed very flustered generally. She said she felt heavy and seemed to lack her normal confidence. So I thought I'd write a little article about why this happens and how we can get ourselves out of it. Firstly, I'd like to say that this is a pretty normal reaction to the stresses and strains of every day life. From time to time we're bound to slip off the positivity plateau that I'm sure all my readers frequent on a regular basis. Oh, you don't? Well read on... There's a big difference between falling off this plateau and staying down. The second state is one which hopefully you can avoid. Our emotional state is one which will always fluctuate. The word emotion can be broken down into e-motion. The "e" stands for energy, so emotions are energy in motion. Hence they are designed to move, ie fluctuate. There is no problem with feeling anything in life. The problems come when you get stuck there, as anything which is stuck can't move. The other point to recognise is that this movement is in a vibratory pattern. How fast or slow these emotions vibrate depends on how positive or negative they are to us. In simple terms, the closer they are to love or fear - love being the most positive and fear being the most negative. Try it out for yourself: what order would you put the following: contentment, anger, frustration, bliss? The next thing is what to do about it. Well there are a few options. The easiest and quickest is to use your self-talk to boost your emotional vibration. Your what, I hear you cry? Your self-talk - the little voice inside your head which, if you're feeling negative, is probably saying ridiculously untrue things like "I'll never do it", "I'm not good enough" and often gets worse and worse as we spiral downwards. For some reason us humans find this state quite sticky. We can very easily get immersed in such a state, but we do ourselves great harm with negative self-talk. So the obvious solution is to monitor what we're thinking and change it for the opposite. So if we find ourselves saying "I'll never do it", immediately change this to "I'll easily do it". You may not believe it straight away, but if you keep replacing the negative statements with positive ones, then you'll soon start to. You only believe the negative ones because you've repeated them so much. This works very well for sudden emotion drops, when they are a temporary state. For more long term states of low emotion, we often need to do a bit more. It's still worth replacing your self-talk, but often we find it harder, or the results come more slowly, which can discourage us. It might be worth interrogating the emotions (gently) to find out where they came from. We might recognise them as the voice of a parent or teacher from when we were younger and that might be enough for us to disown them and replace them with a new positive voice of our own. If we're still not getting the results we want, chatting to a friend can help. Remember, it's great to talk to someone who can empathise with the fact you're having a hard time, but not someone who's going to agree with you that life sucks, unless you really want to remain stuck in a low vibration. And if none of this is helping, it might be worth getting some professional help. I can help you find the root cause of the negative emotions and help you transform them in to positive ones. There's no need to stay down.