This is quite a controversial topic, so I'd like to start by saying that I'm in no way blaming anyone for being ill. When I talk about "pay-off", this is almost always a subconscious thing that we don't even realise we're doing. However, having said that, pay-off is something that can appear when illnesses refuse to respond to treatment. It doesn't affect everyone but, if you find you're not responding to treatment when you'd expect to, it is quite an interesting subject to explore.
by Ros Kitson
Right from when we are very small, our belief system is forming. It's a way for us to keep safe in the world and a way for us to learn how to fit in. It is, however, highly selective. Our belief system is a kind of memory, but it doesn't hold everything that ever happened - only those things it believes will be useful to us. If we've burnt ourselves, we will learn that fire or extreme heat is dangerous to us. We may or may not remember the exact details of the first time we were ever burnt, but we will remember the pain. If we had joyous birthday parties as a kid, we may learn that birthdays are fun, even if we can't recount the details of every party we had. If our birthdays were largely ignored, we might dislike them as adults. Our belief systems tend to hold the emotional memories of a situation.
So says the famous song from the Disney movie, Frozen. But what does it actually mean? Letting go is something we regularly need to do. Beliefs become outdated. Baggage, we held onto once, we find we no longer need. Fears we had start to limit us. All these things are examples of where we need to let go. In the song, the character is undergoing a transformation. She has magical powers, which had caused problems in the past when she was too young to understand or control them. We all have powers, even if our powers aren't seen as magical in the Disney sense. Leadership in adults is often seen as being bossy in children. Intelligence can be defined as being a "know it all"; confidence as a show off. Extreme sensitivity can be labelled as weakness by people who don't understand the gift it can be. Many of us have learnt to hide our light under a bushel as did Elsa.
by Ros Kitson
I get asked this question a lot. In fact, it's probably the most common thing people say to me when I explain what I do. However they do not all rush to book appointments. So I was wondering why this was, if they felt they had a perceived need for my services. And the answers I came up with are here in this blog. Firstly, what do people mean when they say they're stressed all the time. Well often, they're just very busy people; sometimes they like living their lives at high speed, sometimes they don't. Sometimes there are areas of conflict in their lives; maybe they don't get along with someone they feel they have to spend time with. Sometimes people just don't like the life they've made for themselves; sometimes they believe that life has to be tough/painful/etc. Stress can take many different forms. A certain amount of stress can be useful to us. It can be the impetus that drives us forwards or protects us from harm or failure. They key is for any experience to contribute positively towards your life. So once I'd found out the nature of the stress, the next question I'd ask is, "what do you want the solution to be?" It is very important to understand our expectations. If you have conflict with someone and you want the solution to be that you are able to change that person in some way, you will be disappointed and I cannot help you. We cannot impose our will on another person with much success. Even if we do manage to control them, behaviour like that usually leads to resentment which is not an ideal situation. Far better to work on yourself and you'd be surprised what can change. You may feel stressed due to the amount you do, but you don't want to give any of it up. You like rushing around for 90% of the time. You just don't want to feel uncomfortable for the 10%. While it is possible to create more energy through better nutrition and by clearing the emotional baggage you carry around, I cannot make you super-human. Often we can get the most energy by learning when to rest. If you believe that life is meant to be hard or that in order to reach any goal, you must have pain and suffering, then that will be the life you create. Our beliefs are powerful and tend to define us. If you want to change something, it might involve changing a belief that you've been holding on to. The good news is that if you are open to making changes, then I can help you. There will always be a reason for why we are having our experiences. Even if we don't consciously know what they are, they can be revealed during a kinesiology session. Often we are carrying around unresolved baggage, for example, stuff from our past that we couldn't deal with properly at the time. Hanging onto this will determine how we react to events happening to us now. For example, if you find yourself in a situation that you hadn't wanted to be in, and it was unpleasant, you might project that similar experiences happening now will also be unpleasant and feel huge amounts of stress at the thought of having to do them. I struggled with travelling for many years, because of an unpleasant French exchange experience as a teenager. For seemingly no reason, I'd become almost paralysed at the though of having to go away anywhere. We also inherit certain beliefs which we then often hold dear. People sometimes feel that changing beliefs is a sign of weakness, but as we go through life, we learn more and it's healthy for our view of the world to change. If our beliefs were formed initially from another person, then it might be that they don't really suit us at all. For example, my father has a belief that financial security is one of the most important things in life, whereas although I have an inherited belief in financial security, it's not the most important thing for me. This is fortunate as the uncertainty of being self-employed requires me to step out into the unknown and trust. When we clear these blockages, we can make new choices and it's often surprising how easily and quickly things change. I've worked with clients who have had a totally different experience from a similar situation before and after a session. Even the way they talked about a stressor changed during a session itself. So if you'd like to make changes in your life, even if you have no idea of where the problems come from or how it will work, come along and see me - I can help you.
by Ros Kitson
I've been asked on occasions in my life whether I'd rather be right or happy and so I now ask this of you. Would you prefer your world to make sense according to your beliefs even if those beliefs will lead to sadness and disharmony? Many people would, although they might not recognise this fact. These patterns run under the surface and are rarely completely conscious.
Or would you prefer to be happy even if this meant challenging the view you've created of the world? Although it seems the obvious choice on paper, sometimes it can take real courage to accept this choice.
For example, imagine that you've been brought up to believe in the sanctity of marriage over everything else and yours is breaking down. Do you stay in order to be a "good" person; responsible, reliable, someone who knows the meaning of a promise? Or do you make the decision to go because it will give you and your spouse a better chance of finding happiness in the future in a way you'd never manage together?
There's no right or wrong choice here. I'm just asking people to be aware of what they are choosing between.
We generally invest a lot of ourselves in our belief of how the world is. The things we believe in strongly literally become our world. These beliefs keep us feeling safe. They keep a certain amount of order in a chaotic world.
When I was younger, I believed that in order to be cool, you had to have some kind of vice. So when I initially decided to stop smoking, I had a massive contradiction going on. I'd already stopped drinking alcohol, so smoking was my last "naughty" habit. I believed that by becoming sensible, I would become boring. Luckily my desire for better health was stronger than this belief and I turned it around. I changed my beliefs and I now feel my life is far more interesting than it was back then.
Some people believe they'll never get over an event that they experienced. They may or may not be right but, by believing that and needing to be right, they are removing the possibility of any healing in that area. I expect we all know someone who carries around the pain from a past event and we often wish on their behalf that they could let it go. Carrying around pain like this weighs us down and can cloud our whole life.
On the other side, there have been instances where people's belief in their healing has helped them in getting over pain. Sometimes our belief systems can work for us.
The key is to know when our beliefs are helping us be happy and when they are working against happiness.
Some it can be seen as a virtue to hold beliefs firm and never waver them. However I'd like to put a contradictory view that it is often healthy to adjust our viewpoint as new information becomes available.
So, if you are the kind of person whose beliefs cause you to be weighed down, please ask yourself the question, "would you prefer to be right or happy?"
I don't think there's a definitive answer to this. Which obviously offends my perfectionist streak? Ever since I was a child I liked the questions that had a right/wrong answer. I excelled at maths and science and failed miserably at English. The thing about maths is that you can get the answer perfectly correct. As I've got older, I've translated that desire for perfection onto other areas of my life; craft projects, employment tasks and more recently my own business. I want it to be perfect or else I don't want to play. I've done a lot of soul searching on this - it all comes from my parents, of course. My father is a complete perfectionist - the type that offers unsolicited advice whenever he sees an area of potential improvement. My mother is an amazing seamstress and her work is actually technically perfect - a hard act to follow. It takes a long while to get things perfect, which is fine if it's a hobby, but I forget how many hours I've wasted wondering to myself if an advert is perfect enough to bring me in clients rather than just sending it off. Now, please believe me when I say, I don't always believe perfectionism is bad. If I was unfortunate to need some kind of surgery, I'd hope that the surgeon was a perfectionist of the highest order, but so often we carry this over to the rest of our lives and put unnecessary pressure on ourselves. I guess the key is to know when it's important and when it's not. It's also important to work with our own nature. It's in my mum's nature to spend a lot of time working on her latest quilt. She loves the process and it pays off with the results she gets. I like producing a finished product, but I get bored if it takes too long, so I'm better sacrificing a bit of quality for the overall enjoyment and the likelihood of finishing it. I am like my father in that I see errors and imperfections in other's work. Having grown up with his negative criticism, I'm now aware of how this feels. So I can either balance it out with positive feedback, or I can just decide that it's not that important and let it go. And it's amazingly liberating to finally realise that in everyday life, "good enough" is often good enough. So having dithered for the last few days as to whether this was a good subject for a blog post, I've gone ahead and written it anyway. You can decide.