Continuing on from the last blog about Bali, here is the second lesson I learnt while I was on my honeymoon. Bali is a very hot and humid country (or it was when I was there). Just walking around was enough to break out into a sweat and I’m not very keen on sweating. Obviously I cut right back on any exercise that didn’t take place in a swimming pool. But you can’t see an island from within a hotel, so inevitably we had to walk. Here in the UK, I’ve always prided myself on being a fast walker. I walk with purpose and stride out to reach my destination as fast as possible. My theory was that by getting there faster, I’d be fitter and more efficient.
by Ros Kitson
For those who don't know, I got married recently. And a wedding traditionally is followed by a honeymoon. We went to Bali. Bali is an amazing place. The culture and the country are very different from the UK so much so, that I could write a book on it. However, right now, I want to talk about the traffic. I consider myself a good driver. I'm a confident driver and I'm pretty experienced, having been driving since I was 17. But I would honestly not rush to drive in Bali, because I'm not sure I'd cope very well. This is because the attitudes of drivers are very different over there. Over here, we have strict rules of the road. We follow them to the letter and we frown on those who don't. If we do break them (for example undertaking a middle lane hogger on the motorway) we sneak through slightly guiltily. If we see rule breakers, we glare, curse or even beep our horns.
Instant gratification. The symptom of the 21st century, it seems. When I grew up, I was taught that "money didn't grow on trees" and that "good things came to those who waited". These are things that have stood me in good stead throughout my life. I still have the belief that I have to save up before I can have some luxury item I want. So often, nowadays, the gap between people wanting and getting has narrowed until it can barely even exist. We are taught by the advertising execs that we want just about everything there is. We are shown that items will make us cooler, more popular, more successful and, as the ads have been created in such a way, we buy in. We were then sold credit on a massive scale, so the excuse of "I can't afford it" becomes less and less viable. And finally, we've been inspired by the personal development industry that we deserve the good things in life. All in all, it can be very hard to resist.
This is quite a controversial topic, so I'd like to start by saying that I'm in no way blaming anyone for being ill. When I talk about "pay-off", this is almost always a subconscious thing that we don't even realise we're doing. However, having said that, pay-off is something that can appear when illnesses refuse to respond to treatment. It doesn't affect everyone but, if you find you're not responding to treatment when you'd expect to, it is quite an interesting subject to explore.
by Ros Kitson
I'm currently in an amateur production of Goodnight Mr Tom The Musical. The story isn't new to me - I've seen the film a few times. However, what has struck me most by revisiting this story, is the way Tom handles the trauma that William goes through. For those who don't know the story, there is a scene towards the end where William is in hospital after his traumatic imprisonment. A psychiatrist is talking to Tom about what is best for the boy in terms of treatment. Tom wants to take him home but the psychiatrist believes the boy's best interests would be served by putting him in a children's home and subjecting him to psychiatric analysis - something that was probably cutting edge back in 1940. William is quite rightly frightened of the medical profession who have sedated him every time he cries out, since he has arrived in the hospital. This was done so he doesn't disturb the other patients. Tom challenges the psychiatrist on this, and suggests that "mebbe he needs to" cry out. He also says that it's obvious as to what's wrong with the boy - "the boy ent had a lot of lovin'". This raises an important point in any therapy situation. The need to allow the emotions to come out and the need of everyone to have love and acceptance in their lives. Both are vital to healing.
by Ros Kitson
Right from when we are very small, our belief system is forming. It's a way for us to keep safe in the world and a way for us to learn how to fit in. It is, however, highly selective. Our belief system is a kind of memory, but it doesn't hold everything that ever happened - only those things it believes will be useful to us. If we've burnt ourselves, we will learn that fire or extreme heat is dangerous to us. We may or may not remember the exact details of the first time we were ever burnt, but we will remember the pain. If we had joyous birthday parties as a kid, we may learn that birthdays are fun, even if we can't recount the details of every party we had. If our birthdays were largely ignored, we might dislike them as adults. Our belief systems tend to hold the emotional memories of a situation.
This is a large topic and I can't cover everything about it in one post. But I'll make a start. Firstly, what is anger? Well, it is an emotion. It's a feeling. Next, what is is not. It is not a behaviour or action. Often when we say someone is angry, we are referring to someone raging, shouting or even being violent. These are behaviours. They might arise from anger, but they are not synonymous with anger. It is entirely possible to feel anger and not show any behaviour at all.
by Ros Kitson
I read an article recently detailing how stress can actually be a good thing for us because it helps us rise to challenges and improve our performances. I think the author was thinking about the kind of stress we face when we're trying to achieve a project we've chosen to do. For example, training for a marathon. I found I did agree with most of the content, but as a practitioner who works with stress with clients, I was concerned that this might be giving out a message that we should be accepting of all the stress in our lives. This I definitely disagree with. So I decided to reflect on the difference between the type of stress discussed in the article and the type of stress that, if left unresolved, can make us very ill. So, how do we differentiate between them? Well, I believe it comes down to two things: choice and power. I'll deal with each in turn, although they are intrinsically linked.
Emotional illness is a complex subject. The first being that it is often quite difficult to define. When does moodiness become more of a condition? Is it always so? Emotional illness is just as real as physical illness and there is the same degree of variation in the severity. In the same way as a cold is very different from cancer, so there are different levels in our emotional health too. But for some reason it is perfectly socially acceptable to have the flu or a migraine but often not to be paralysed by low emotions. Yet this can happen just as easily. Sometimes we find ourselves in situations which we can't deal with immediately. They can shock our systems, and make us angry or upset. We actually need time to process them so it's not realistic to expect them to become resolved overnight. In some cases we can do this alongside other activities, but sometimes they can floor us to such an extent that we need to take time out from our day to day lives to work them through.
by Ros Kitson
I get asked this question a lot. In fact, it's probably the most common thing people say to me when I explain what I do. However they do not all rush to book appointments. So I was wondering why this was, if they felt they had a perceived need for my services. And the answers I came up with are here in this blog. Firstly, what do people mean when they say they're stressed all the time. Well often, they're just very busy people; sometimes they like living their lives at high speed, sometimes they don't. Sometimes there are areas of conflict in their lives; maybe they don't get along with someone they feel they have to spend time with. Sometimes people just don't like the life they've made for themselves; sometimes they believe that life has to be tough/painful/etc. Stress can take many different forms. A certain amount of stress can be useful to us. It can be the impetus that drives us forwards or protects us from harm or failure. They key is for any experience to contribute positively towards your life. So once I'd found out the nature of the stress, the next question I'd ask is, "what do you want the solution to be?" It is very important to understand our expectations. If you have conflict with someone and you want the solution to be that you are able to change that person in some way, you will be disappointed and I cannot help you. We cannot impose our will on another person with much success. Even if we do manage to control them, behaviour like that usually leads to resentment which is not an ideal situation. Far better to work on yourself and you'd be surprised what can change. You may feel stressed due to the amount you do, but you don't want to give any of it up. You like rushing around for 90% of the time. You just don't want to feel uncomfortable for the 10%. While it is possible to create more energy through better nutrition and by clearing the emotional baggage you carry around, I cannot make you super-human. Often we can get the most energy by learning when to rest. If you believe that life is meant to be hard or that in order to reach any goal, you must have pain and suffering, then that will be the life you create. Our beliefs are powerful and tend to define us. If you want to change something, it might involve changing a belief that you've been holding on to. The good news is that if you are open to making changes, then I can help you. There will always be a reason for why we are having our experiences. Even if we don't consciously know what they are, they can be revealed during a kinesiology session. Often we are carrying around unresolved baggage, for example, stuff from our past that we couldn't deal with properly at the time. Hanging onto this will determine how we react to events happening to us now. For example, if you find yourself in a situation that you hadn't wanted to be in, and it was unpleasant, you might project that similar experiences happening now will also be unpleasant and feel huge amounts of stress at the thought of having to do them. I struggled with travelling for many years, because of an unpleasant French exchange experience as a teenager. For seemingly no reason, I'd become almost paralysed at the though of having to go away anywhere. We also inherit certain beliefs which we then often hold dear. People sometimes feel that changing beliefs is a sign of weakness, but as we go through life, we learn more and it's healthy for our view of the world to change. If our beliefs were formed initially from another person, then it might be that they don't really suit us at all. For example, my father has a belief that financial security is one of the most important things in life, whereas although I have an inherited belief in financial security, it's not the most important thing for me. This is fortunate as the uncertainty of being self-employed requires me to step out into the unknown and trust. When we clear these blockages, we can make new choices and it's often surprising how easily and quickly things change. I've worked with clients who have had a totally different experience from a similar situation before and after a session. Even the way they talked about a stressor changed during a session itself. So if you'd like to make changes in your life, even if you have no idea of where the problems come from or how it will work, come along and see me - I can help you.